found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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