The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
