I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
