i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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