Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
