can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You did what with his pubic hair?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize