Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
