I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize