i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
