So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
