shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
