It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
