threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize