i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
