i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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