i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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