I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize