Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well you can't waste a boner
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
