what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
