The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
