Quick, to the slutcave!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
should my penis look like a turkey
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
