just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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