I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
