i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
