Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
