Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
