I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
