she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
