I will die if light touches me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
