Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize