yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
