I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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