dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
