If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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