I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
