she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
