the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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