whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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