so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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