you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
