summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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