My first STD was from a foam party
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
