hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
