Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
