Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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