Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
