Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
