Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize