Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
