Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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