She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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