Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
