I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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