Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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