if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
