Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
