So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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