your thong is hanging out like whoa
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
