You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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