But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
