i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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