Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
