You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
