it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
