I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
