I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
