Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize