it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
