And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
