So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am available for nakedness
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
