How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
