My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
