If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
