I will die if light touches me.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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