we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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