Church boner. Awkwardddd
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
