Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
