11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
