I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I could fuck to npr.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
