Heybabeimwearingurpanties
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
