I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
