I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
