Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize