I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize